MOVIN' ON UP

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16 And Pregnant Season 2 Episode 12 "Felicia"

Today is my birthday. I am now on the wrong side of 25. Most of you will see that and think, “This cat has his whole life ahead of him!” But when you are a man-child with delusions of stardom, 26 seems like a daunting number. Soon my boyish charm will be replaced by a receding hair line and an even grumpier disposition. At 25, I began going to coffee shops and I grew a beard for a short period of time. I’m terrified to know what 26 will bring. I’m worried adult rec leagues and reading Flannery O'Connor may be looming around the corner. And that my friends is a fate worse than death. In an attempt to deal with my dying youth and to celebrate my parent’s lack of understanding on how birth control worked in the mid 80’s I am going to watch an episode of 16 and Pregnant. What better way to celebrate a birth than to watch the death of someone else’s future. The ciiirrrrrrrcle of life!

0:07- This girl’s name is Felicia. I’m already not surprised she is pregnant. Note to an prospective parents out there, if you name your daughter Felicia, Mackenzie, Kaitlyn, Kaylee, Jaylee, any name with multiple vowels in a row, or a boy’s name you will be raising another baby in 15-18 years.

0:17- Awesome. Her step-dad is good with nun chucks. I feel like I am watching a Cohen Brothers movie.

0:26- “No one in my family has ever graduated high school.” Ever?! Was this episode shot in 1913? Allen Iverson spent four months in prison and still finished high school. Maybe her step-dad should have spent more time on his jump shot and less on his nun chucks.

0:43- Ooooooh, her boyfriend is a barber who is in a dance crew. How can you not give it up to a raconteur like that?

3:06- “I think I can handle it, especially since Alex is here to support me.” Has this girl never seen an after school special? Do they air those any more? Wait a second. Is 16 and Pregnant like a modern day after school special? If so, the only thing you women are learning is how to get on the cover of US Weekly without making a sex tape.

3:13- This dude is moving in?! Talk about a cock in the henhouse.

3:56- “It’ll be way different when it is out of my stomach.” She thinks the baby is in her stomach? I’m starting to understand how this girl got pregnant in the first place. Screw what conservatives says, we need waaaaaaaaaaay more sexual education in school. I bet this girl thinks she poops the baby out too. I know I did when I was in middle school.

5:51- “My older sister moved out when she got pregnant at a young age.” I knew Mexicans always valued family and tradition, but this one seems a bit excessive.

6:45- “What is wrong with your mom lately? She be trippin’ for reals.” I don’t know. Never graduating high school, having two daughter get pregnant before they can vote, a husband that is always practicing his nun chucks?! Take your pick, break dance barber.

7:57- “What are you gonna name her?” “Genesis.” “That’s a beautiful name.” Yeah, for an 80s soft rock band.

9:39- If she didn’t have the break dancing barber she would be “financially dead”? I have a feeling he isn’t just “hanging out” with his friends until 3 am if he is supporting her financially, unless the going rate for an uptown fade is now $300.

11:07- They are moving out of her mom’s house to live on their own. I’m setting the over under on when she comes back home in tears to 9.5 minutes. Place your bets.

12:58- This dude doesn’t even have sheets on his bed! How can you be so blind little lady? I can’t believe it, but I may have sympathy for someone on a reality show for the first time. Oh no, is this what is going to happen to me at 26?! I can’t care about these people. I am nothing without my snide comments! NOTHING!

16:12- Expressing yourself via text message is the 900th sign that you are too young to have a baby. We are just over five minutes and Felicia is beginning to look fed up. This one might go down to the wire gamblers.

16:21- “This isn’t the Alex I want to have a baby with?” I would hope there isn’t any Alex you want to have a baby with. Dammit, there I go caring again.

17:41- We have tears! This one might go down to the wire. Grab your betting stubs.

20:17- “Why you crying, huh?” Maybe because shoving a past due human life out of a 16 year old formally virgin vagina is a little more painful than your neck tattoos.

20:37- It’s been nine and a half minutes and she didn’t move back in with her mom. Congrats those that took the over. For those that took the under enjoy watching her throw up. I guess the fact that she is still with this dirt bag is making her sick as well.

22:10- The guy who couldn’t take the time to put on a condom is getting impatient during labor. What a shock.

23:04- I hope watching the labor ruins vagina for this Cholo forever.

24:06- Awwww, a baby girl. Do you think they will use this footage when Genesis is on season 24 of 16 And Pregnant?

25:49- The wheels spinning on some nun chuck vengeance there, step-dad?

25:55- She’s moving back in! Damn, I should have made a parlay on the time she would crack with the over under.

28:30- “I thought he was ready to be a dad.” What gave you that idea? The staying out all night or the leaving the hospital four seconds after the baby was born?

28:52- “You’ll miss out on a lot, bro.” Finally someone is going to talk some sense into this guy.

28:54- “Fifties, parties, girls.” Never mind.

29:48- “When she wasn’t pregnant it was better.” Incredible insight, barber boy. I hope he wasn’t referring exclusively to her vagina.

31:29- Wow. She almost dropped a box of diapers on the babies head. Is it possible to report this incident to child services? I bet the producers have cut Social Services phone lines to make sure that no one ruins their show.

32:18- You better be able to fit a baby in those Jordans.

32:37- “Where do you think we’ll be a year from now.” You, working at a Denny’s. Him, jail. Just call me lower class Nostradamus.

34:30- Jesus, this lady had five kids and none of them graduated high school. 1 in 3 Americans don’t graduate high school. This family is single handily skewing the statistics.

36:23- In all fairness to the break dancing barber, Taco Bell is the appropriate meal while watching someone destroy their life.

38:14- My guess is, if you two switch parenting duties little Genesis’s picture will be on Nancy Grace within a week.

 40:00- Don’t worry, girl. I’m sure you will meet a nice guy with nun chucks someday that will help you raise your daughter.

Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown.

By the age of 25, I have developed somewhat of a reputation of being a real life Charlie Brown. I’m sure it has more to do with my persistent existential crisis and less to do with my abilities to kick field goals. Also, owning an uber cool basset hound probably doesn’t help distance myself from down trodden cartoon comparisons. Since it is Valentine’s Day I figured I should embrace love and public opinion about me by watching Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown. I hope Chuck can find love on Valentine’s, but if he is anything like me when I was younger he’ll probably just end up hanging out with Linus and Shroeder convincing himself that Peppermint Patty isn’t that bad. Good grief…

0:15- Charlie Brown is waiting by the mailbox for the mailman to show up. It’s mind blowing to think people ever waited for the mail. Yesterday, my smart phone took 1 second to load my twitter feed and I thought I was going to have a panic attack.

0:34- Just over half a minute in and a patented Charlie Brown sigh. This is going to make Ralph Wiggum in the Valentine’s episode of The Simpson’s look like he got a fair shake. I don’t think anyone is going to CHO-CHO-CHOOSE Chuck.

Sidebar: How come the heartbroken foils of both cartoons are bald children? And what kind of kids are bald? Cancer kids, that’s who. What kind of monsters are in these schools that they don’t even give a pity valentine to the cancer kid? I mean Lisa did, but then later she ripped Ralph’s heart in half on national television. If either one got Make-A-Wish on the phone they wouldn’t ask to go to Disney Land just to have a peer of the opposite sex treat them with respect. That, or some super violent video game. I mean they are young boys.

1:00- Damn, Snoopy knows archery? Charlie Brown is one hell of a dog trainer. It took me 6 months just to get my basset to learn to chew up my roommates possessions and not my own.

1:35- Careful what you wish for, Linus. If Miss Othmar really does like you, you may end up on Nancy Grace and Miss Othmar will end up in medium security womens prison.

1:52- “You want me to pound the erasers?” Ok. Things are getting a little Letourneauy in here.

                                       Mary Kay has been having students "pound erasers" for years.

2:44- “I feel like I could spend my whole life here and never get a valentine!” Yeah, well it’s kind of hard to meet chicks at the mail box, Chuck. The only guys that try to pick up women at the mailbox are serial killers. Haven’t you seen Law & Order: SVU?

3:43- Lucy being ignored by Shroeder as he plays the piano should have been a cautionary tale for every girl who wanted to date a musician.

3:57- “Are you sure you want to suffer the tortures of a memory of a lost love?” Of course he does, he is a musician!

6:18- Wow, Snoopy is trained to take tickets, work concessions, and seat people. If my dog could do all of that I wouldn’t have to pay a staff for my next show. Then again, it seems pretty evil of Charlie Brown to have this smart of a dog and only use him as a personal slave. Shouldn’t he donate Snoopy to be a service dog and help someone in need? You’re an asshole, Charlie Brown. That should be the name of all of these specials.

7:12- Apparently, Gallagher is the opening act.

7:20- Now Snoopy is performing puppet theater! Charlie Brown is the Joe Jackson of Peanuts.

9:08- “In this big class someone is sure to give me a valentine.” Ugh, why don’t you just say, “I like these odds. Hey hey hey.” You creep.

9:47- These Brown kids have a lot of anxiety. Has anyone at Social Services made a wellness check?

12:08- It has been my experience that the kid who brings a brief case to school is not getting a valentine.

12:24- “I can’t get my valentine in the box!” Man, Linus is heavy on the innuendo.

15:05- Damn, Charlie Brown. Even the black kid and Pigpen got a valentine. What did you do to alienate your whole class? Does Charlie Brown have some sort of nefarious back story I’m not aware of? Did he lose everyone’s money in a ponzi scheme? I guess that’s how he could afford all those classes for Snoopy.

17:51- Oh no, Miss Othmar broke Linus’s heart and he’s headed towards the bridge. Don’t do it, Linus! You have too much to live for! You are only 9 years old!

18:04- Oh thank God, he is only yelling at a body of water. Nice cathartic move little dude, a personal favorite of mine.

18:36- For such a smart, well trained dog Snoopy is too dumb to know that he can’t eat chocolate. This is going to be the worst Valentine’s ever when a heartbroken Charlie Brown goes home to find his best friend dead.

20:01- For someone who is depressed, Charlie Brown wakes up pretty early.

21:47- Attaboy, Shroeder! Don’t let Charlie Brown accept that pitytine.

21:53- Ahhhh dammit, Charlie Brown. Are you that insecure that you will accept a pitytine after your friend put these bitches in their place? I’m beginning to get why no one likes this kid.

22:20- The only thing missing from this scene with Linus and Charlie Brown is a bottle of Kentucky Deluxe.

22:35- Yeah, there you go Chuck! Pitytines. That’s what you want in life. At least he is talking about the future unlike Linus. Can we put Linus on suicide watch? I’m concerned.

Are You There, Chelsea? Season 1 Pilot

I grew up in a family were there was a T.V. in every room and it was always on. Today when I go to my Dad’s house I can stand in one particular spot and hear a terrible TLC reality show, a terrible History Channel reality show, and a terrible MTV reality show all at once. It’s a bit maddening. However, this culture of compulsive T.V. consumption has led me to this blog today. Looking back I can’t believe some of the shit I used to watch. I actually watched the first season of The Tracy Morgan Show. I didn’t even like it, but it was on and I didn’t want to do homework. Today, in this video-on-demand, Netflix instant stream world I rarely watch anything consistently I don’t like, unless my roommate is in the throes of a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine binge, and I certainly don’t watch new multi-camera network sitcoms. Given the universal disdain of NBC’s new Wednesday comedy block I figured this would be the perfect time to reconnect with my roots and watch the pilot of NBC’s latest wrong move, Are You There, Chelsea? I have a feeling by the end of this I will be reaching for the vodka.

0:24- Twenty-four seconds in and they already cued up the laugh track. This is going to be rough.

0:36- The tall chick from That 70s Show has had some work done.

0:54- Whoa. A girl-on-what-I-assume-is-a-girl kiss. Sooooo edgy for 1995. Wait, it’s what year? I never would have known given the first minute of this show.

1:43- Chelsea Handler in a brown wig not playing Chelsea Handler while the tall chick from That 70s Show plays Chelsea Handler. This won’t be distracting at all.

3:02- What? No, classic sitcom theme song?! If you are going to play up painfully dated sitcom stereotypes you can at least give me my favorite part! I could write one for you write now, NBC. She's young and kind of hot. And she likes to drink a lot. Are you there, Chelsea? When life gets her down. She shots some Crown. Are you there, Chelsea? You’re welcome.

4:27- I’m sure it was you both wanting to be on top that kept you and the handsome haired bartender from hooking up. Not whiskey dick, nope, just your shared affinity for being able to watch T.V. while you bone.

4:37- They are fighting over who gets to answer the phone. Who are they The Animaniacs?

5:31- Well what do you know? Chelsea gets a DUI and now an apartment a block away from the bar is available. When God closes a door he enables an alcoholic.

6:06- It’s good to see Kimmy Gibbler is still getting work.

6:48- “It’s giving me lady wood.” I think there may have been another reason things didn’t work out between her and the bartender.

7:10- “I was such an idiot to major in journalism.” You and I both, girlfriend. You want to start a blog with me?

7:35- Kimmy Gibbler telling the interrupting cow knock-knock joke was by far the best joke on this show.

7:57- Man, Lenny Clarke has had some work done too. What’s up, Tommy Bahama?

9:08- Hand job joke! Man, that is sooo edgy for 2002. Wait, what year is it again?

12:40- I’m beginning to think Kimmy Gibbler had a head injury.

13:18- Using Pikachu as a vagina euphemism just ruined Pokemon for all the people who have never seen a Pikachu.

13:48- And once again we have two Chelseas on screen. Hey, that’s not a bad idea for a T.V. show. Like Patty Duke. Hey, if you’re going to make a dated sitcom might as well go full on with it.

                      It's going to take something a lot stronger than a hot dog to get Chelsea to lose control.

16:20- “It’s been awhile since my bottom half smiled.” I bet not as long as my top half.

18:46- A prom dumpster baby joke. That is sooo edgy for- jesus, that’s just crass.

19:29- Awwwww, she named the baby Sylvia. What a coincidence, because this show makes me want to put my head in an oven.

19:55- So, I guess their mom is dead? Does this show have some depth? Oh wait, poop joke. Never mind.

20:56- It’s a sad day when the thing I liked best about a show is Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” playing at the end of it.

21:29- Ahhh shucks. It’s the androgynous coach from Glee that Chelsea made out with in jail. I do love a happy ending.

227 Season 2 Episode 22 "Check Snub"

Today I am going to watch 227. Now, I could have gone on Wikipedia and read about the show then pretended like I remembered watching it growing up to flash my false pop culture street cred, but I won’t do that. Mainly, because the internet is on a protest. That and what kind of relationship would we have, readers, if I lied to all two of you in this space? So here is what I do know about the show, one of the stars is Jackée. That’s it. But really, is there anything else I need to know. Oh how I miss the sassy antics of Jackée popping up on every barely watchable TV show and movie from the early 90’s. Who can forget her annoying whine? Not I dear reader, not I.

0:16- Hot Damn! This is a classic 80’s theme song. I love this show already. I think the lady starring is from The Jeffersons.

0:22- I didn’t know Carl Weathers had a brother.

0:29- Jackée is the fourth credited actor and her last name is Harry? I feel misled.

0:39- Awww damn. Regina King! I guess she wasn’t always sipping OE.

1:09- Less than 10 seconds in and already Jackée fires off a sassy one-liner. Phew, I was worried when she didn’t get a credit in the first three bars of the theme song.

1:41- From what I can tell Jackée is Blanch of this show and by that I mean slut.

2:00- It’s so sad when someone’s food stamps run out.

2:07- Oh, I was wrong the old bird’s social security check hasn’t arrived yet. At least they are tackling issues the African-American community can identify with. And that wasn’t racists because I said African-American.

2:46- How come people aren’t friendly and on a first name basis with their mailmen anymore? Were they ever or is this one the great myths perpetrated by TV like a fat guy can be married to a hot chick or fathers are emotionally available?

3:48- This old bird is showing signs of dementia.

4:09- Well compared to this lady in the Social Security office, she seems completely sane.

6:32- So far we have learned that Jackée’s character is a fan of leopard print clothing and goes on a lot of dates. Tremendous character development on this show. I’m sure a young Matthew Weiner was taking notes.

9:19- Ahhhh the subtle discrimination of the U.S. government.

10:02- There you go ladies! Take the power back! Burn it down, BURN. IT. DOWN!

10:22- Oh no the cops! I bet Jackée isn’t the first black person to be arrested just for saying “Hi.”

10:24- A Brief Intermission Update: Alright, guys. Listen. The acting is so bad on this show that its getting hard for me to make fun of it. I didn’t think I would ever say this, but I think I met my match. 227 may have bested me. (Sigh) …. Hmmm… Well… You know what? Fuck that. I did a whole diary on Rachel Ray’s 30 Minute Meals. I can handle this. Bring it on, black Golden Girls!

10:47- 3/4th of the women in this jail cell are black. A sad, yet accurate portray of our social inequalities… And big punchline, cue laugh track. Hahahahaha! Oh 80’s sitcoms, you’re incorrigible.

11:51- If they go to prison Jackée will have the nicest cell, if you know what I’m saying (wink).

12:41- Don’t worry Jackée, there will be plenty of guards to sleep with in prison.

13:19-Jackée has to have bulimia considering how often she is eating and talking about food and going dates.

15:01- Oh shit, the media is involved now. This has the making off a good ol’ fashioned race war. Race! War! Race! War! Race! War!

16:08- Mr. Roger’s is here to save the day!

16:26- Ahhh he was just a member of the intimidating Senior Citizen’s Task Force. Oooooooooo I heard they’re rougher than the Teamsters.

17:36- Yes, because if there was one thing President Regan cared about most it was the misfortunes of the black community.

18:31- Civil Disobedience didn’t die in the 60’s for the lady from The Jeffersons.

21:23- Sick satin Redskins jacket, Carl Weathers’ brother.

22:58- So far we have learned that Jackée’s character is a fan of leopard print clothing, goes on a lot of dates, and now has a desire to get into TV news. Soooo many layers!

23:31- The check was made out to the lady from The Jeffersons and not the old bird. Zing! I guess they will never catch a break… And cue laugh track, roll credits. 80’s sitcoms you do it every time!

Alfred Hitchcock Presents Season 4 Episode 25 "The Kind Waitress"

It was way easier to be fat back in the “Old Days.” Sure, Americans are waaaay fatter now, but fat people in the public eye are, by and large, marginalized. Whenever an overweight person over comes our collective vanity and rises to fame (eg. Jennifer Hudson) they then lose a bunch of weight. This confuses me for a number of reasons. First of all, the fact that fat people are chastised in one of the fattest countries in the world proves that, as Americans, we hate ourselves. Secondly, if you are a fat American and somehow manage to succeed in the public eye, STAY FAT! You have the power now. Put on your muumuu and fat guy hat, you earned it. You never saw a slimmed down Fatty Arbuckle on billboards. He was too busy enjoy the spoils of his fame. You think WWII would have ended well if Winston Churchill spent half the day in the gym? Hitler was a thin, vegetarian and was crushed by the Allied forces. Probably could have used a little more fat and protein. And how weird would it be to see a svelte Alfred Hitchcock fail to fill in his outline on Alfred Hitchcock Presents? Today I felt the need to celebrate the rotund and am going to watch an episode called, “The Kind Waitress.”  I bet she didn’t judge, America, every time Hitchock ordered another full pie for himself.

                                                          Losing weight is for the birds.

0:13- This theme music sounds like how a fat guy would walk.

0:42- All three men on screen are wearing suits and Hitchock says, “As you can see, informality is the rule.” Man times have changed. The only time I see three men in a suit is at a wedding, funeral, or a job interview I’m not qualified for.

1:02- His favorite part is that, “No one pays any attention to you.” Hitchock was quite the diva.

1:17- One minute appetizer? That sounds like a terrible Applebees promotion.

1:52- Is this a costume department snafu or did all servers wear the “drunk-at-3-am-diner waitress” uniform in the 60’s?

1:54- Employees are having a conversation of concern over a regular that hasn’t showed up yet. Sadly, I had this exact same conversation yesterday at work. Some day you’ll make me a star blog, some day.

1:57- Thank God, she came. Call off the APB!

2:46- No, I just sell it to teens.

2:55- “I’m 38, pretty old for a child.” Yeah, pretty old for a waitress too.

3:08- Yeah, go ahead and grab a seat during the dinner rush! This chick is soooo getting fired.

4:48- The waitress is the rich old ladies only benefactor? Man, and I was thrilled with a $15 tip yesterday.

5:10- Goddamn, the clarinet was cool. How come no one plays it anymore besides old dudes outside of baseball stadiums?

6:10- “A six piece combo and me on a licorice stick!” Is that some sort of 60’s sex euphemism?

7:05- This chick brought you a roast beef sandwich and is going out to buy you beer for only a kiss, but you won’t marry her until she actually gets the inheritance? You are making Don Draper look Ward Clever, Licorice Man.

7:28- “You know some night she is going to die right in the middle of dinner?” I guess the Tiramisu really was to die for. Zing!

8:50- I know they wanted Licorice Man to sound nefarious when he said, “She is taking much too long to die.” But anyone who has ever had a family member in a nursing home has heard that phrase numerous times. The high cost of barely living…

9:16- Is this guy talking about death panels? Lousy democrat.

9:46- This guy is way too experienced with Munchausen techniques.

10:48- Ahhhh, the good ol’ days when men could tell women to just shut up and not get their dicks cut off.

12:14- This guy was making meth waaaaaaaaay before Walt White got cancer.

15:39- If a dying lady gets that dressed up it only means one thing, she ordered a gigolo.

16:56- “I’m taking back my picture.” HAHA! Dating rituals sure have changed.

19:48- “I’m not a child! I’m 38 years old!” I had no idea Mike Gundy  was a fan of Hitchcock.

20:12- Well, there went your tip.

22:35- I’ve seen enough episodes of Law & Order to know how this hearing is going to play out. I’m sure with your 20+ years of serving experience they set you with a nice job in the prison cafeteria.

23:43- WHHHHAAAAT! The “poison” they were giving her was the only thing keeping her alive! What a switch. Suck on that M. Night Shamalamadingdong.

30 Minute Meals Season 19 episode 27 "Casual New Year's Meals"

I’ve never been a great cook. Sure, I came in second place in the St. Pat’s Parish Chili Cook-Off of 1999 and I can make a mean grilled cheese, but true culinary prowess was never passed down to me. As I’m writing this I am eating a corndog in a bar. That’s right, I went out to get a corn dog instead of using a microwave for 90 seconds. Despite my ineptitude I really do enjoy the culinary arts. Whenever I travel I make sure to eat the best, and life threatening, food the city has to offer. Also, like many Americans, I enjoy watching The Food Network like it’s porn, delicious, gravy covered porn. Today I figured I would put my snark to good use and learn how to make a dish from the chubby armed culinary Godess, Rachel Ray. Let me put down the corndog and pick up a new recipe.

0:09- “Need a reason to stay in this New Year’s Eve? Look no further.” Who is looking for a reason to stay in on the biggest party day of the year? I guess that sounded better than, “Are you completely alone for New Year's? Well I’m going to teach you how to eat your feelings!”

0:53- Man, Rachel Ray talks with her hands a lot. I think this maybe the only cooking show that would be enhanced by 3D. Food Network, holla atcha boy.

                                                      "That spatula is coming right for us!"
1:04- You think this show could afford appliances that didn’t look like they were pulled from the Simpson’s kitchen.

1:31- “They’ll weep a little as they defrost.” Just like the audience of this show when the ball drops.

2:08- I’m pretty sure anyone who sees those arms knows you love burgers, Rachel.

3:42- You didn’t have a New Year’s date until your 30s? See, Sad-People-Who-Eat-Their-Feelings there is hope for you yet. All you have to do is get your own cooking show, wash Oprah’s feet, and then you to can find happiness after your baby maker has died just like Rachel Ray.

4:44- She is really over using the word “casual.” Is this code for some kind of swingers party? (Note: If you are throwing a New Year’s swinger party DO NOT serve Mexican food.)

5:33- With the long pauses and boring, one sided anecdotes I feel like I’m on a bad first date.

7:18- That oil drizzle is really driving the whole porn motif home.

8:08- Was Rachel Ray abused by a measuring cup as a kid? It’s all splashes of this and palmfuls of that. And I haven’t seen her wash her hands once! Yep, just a nice casual New Year’s on the toilet with food poisoning.

8:58- Ugh. If the oil drizzle didn’t nail the porn motif, Rachel fingering the bacon sure is.

10:39- It only took half the show, but she if finally washing her hands. Unfortunately, I think the damage to your guests digestive system has already been done.

11:35- Yeah, press that meat. It’s good to know those chubby arms aren’t for nothing.

15:35- I hope to God I don’t have friends that will ever say the phrase, “Happy New Years and Happy Stomach!”

17:00- The pauses are getting longer and the anecdotes are even more boring than before. Check please!

18:11- “Colossal! Colossal Shrimp, get it!” Jesus Christ, where is that waiter?!

20:17- A talking dinner roll?! Seriously?! I thought this show was for adults. You are insulting my intelligence.

21:12- Haha. She capped the show off by drinking alone. I figured it out, casual wasn’t code for swinger it was definitely code for lonely.