The Bad Girl's Club Season 7 Episode 9

I was about to write a diary of an episode of Saved By the Bell when I noticed that this blog was straying into full retro mode. So, for posterity’s sake, I am about to watch an episode of the infamous reality show The Bad Girl’s Club. I don’t watch any reality T.V. outside of the first couple seasons of Jersey Shore. Thankfully my sister watches enough bad TLC reality programming around the clock for the both of us. I’ve heard this show is outrageous. From what I understand it’s an even trashier The Real World. Today I am going to watch the ninth episode from the seventh season. Yeah, that’s right. They are on season seven! So let’s enter the club house. I hope I know the secret password, my guess is: “Bitch! Open the fucking door!” Holy shit! I was right.

0:12- Whoa! Twelve seconds in and apparently there was a huge fight on the previous episode that led to one of the characters joining “Team Shelly.” I didn’t know there were teams on this show. How do they keep score? Yelling at the top of your lungs= 1 point. Pulling at a weave= 3 points. Bitch slap=6 points.

0:55- “Some drama is about to happen! I’m going to make some cereal!” I love this show already.

1:03- …and then she throws the cereal on a sleeping woman. What a waste of Honey Nut Cheerios. If this chick was a real gangsta she would’ve used hot soup. That would’ve been worth 100 points.

1:45- This show is on Oxygen? Wasn’t this suppose to be a channel about female empowerment? Gloria Steinem is weeping.

1:59- Ah Hahahahaha! The chick didn’t wake up from getting hit with the cereal. This girl probably got pranked the most in college. Alright, college maybe a stretch unless it was Everest College.

2:09- “Bitch, I’m awake now!” is how I’m greeting everyday from here on out.

2:24- Cereal Girl is cleaning up mad points right now. Punching and hair pulling at the same time! Ohh kick to the face! Man I underestimated this show when I came up with scoring. I need an intern to tally points for me.

2:39- You’re Jesus, huh? Be careful with that talk fish lips, ask John Lennon how that worked out for him.

2:49- “Goodnight, Bitch!” is how I’m going to bed everyday from here on out.

3:02- Have the cops been there the whole time? This show has to have the police on retainer.

4:46- “The true story of when a handful of strippers live in the same house. See what happens when skanks stop being polite and start saying ‘Bitch!’”

6:07- Oh no, the cereal girl is leaving. Is it weird that I think she was kind of hot? If I was in the NBA she would be the mistress that destroys my marriage.

7:10- Does anyone else find it a little inappropriate that a bunch of black girls live in a former plantation in New Orleans?

8:34- Don’t worry about your swollen face, Judi, it wasn’t much to look at to begin with.

9:12- I wish they were using that fast forward effect through the whole episode.

11:28- I love the way Audrey says, “guuuuuurrl.”

13:21- The white girls went to a nice wine bar and the ethnic girls went to a run down soul food restaurant. We haven’t come that far America. I have a dream… That one day bitches and skanks of all colors will get drunk together… For the sake of terrible television… That they be judged not on the color of their skin… But on the length of their weave… I have a dream.

14:07- These girls are complaining that one of the girls doesn’t start enough shit? What kind of reality is this?

15:59- Ohh shit. Both cliques end up at the same club! I smell a shoot out at the Bourbon Heat Corral.

18:05- “Keep that flower covering your busted ass weaver, bitch” is how I’m complimenting my lady friends from here on out.

18:29- The shoes come off! Another throw down! Someone wake the cop sleeping in the basement!

19:25- Ahh man, the chicks breaking up the fight before it happens has to be a breach of contract.

21:28- Angi is totally the chief between the tribes.

22:37- …Unless that bitches bed is covered in Cheerios and milk.

23:29- Because you are the authority on health, bitch.

24:48- She’s a guy? A goth? Witch craft? Rockstar? You got all that from a picture? Someone get this chick a job with the FBI.

26:10- Guuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrl. I love it almost as much as Clay Davis’s “Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!” Man, if he was on this show I think the universe would fall in on itself.

                                          "Guuuurl? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"
27:42- This new girl seems way too nice and well adjusted to be on this show. A bitch in ladies clothing?

30:33- Dammit! I didn’t come up with points for throwing a drink in someone’s face. How could I have been so short sighted?

31:45- These girls arguing about who has class is like my family arguing about who doesn't have a drinking problem.

33:31- “I have a lot of different styles: Hippie, skater, punk, cowgirl…” Just barely missed on your predictions, Tiara. I’m sure goth was next in line.

34:20- Yes! They are going to the strip club! We will now witness the bad girls in their natural environment.

34:51- It barely took 30 seconds before one of them got on stage and took her top off. Talk about Pavlov’s dog…

35:13- Awwww. For the first time all episode everyone is getting along. They truly are the sisterhood of the taking off your pants.

37:06- Ahh shit, another fight is about to break out. It’s too bad, I was enjoying the tranquility of the strip club. I’m pretty sure that is the first and last time that sentence will every be said.

37:37- “I’m not crazy, I just chill.” I think the new girl was miscast.

39:39- Isn’t every room the “whore room” in the Bad Girl's Clubhouse?

41:00- On bad girl telling the other she has a drinking problem is the pot calling the kettle drunk.

42:36- You want to know why Jesus doesn’t answer? Because this show is proof God doesn’t exist.