Charles in Charge Season 1 Episode 16 "Snowed In"

Most teen heart throbs don’t age well. For every Jason Bateman there are at least three Ralph Macchios. It’s hard to remember that Scott Baio was the bees knees long before he was single or writing law blogs. Charles in Charge was Baio’s last gasp as a teen idol. The premise of the show by today’s standards, in the post-Sandusky world, is absurd. Remember back in the good ol’ days when you would let a stranger live in your house with your young kids? It was a simpler and handsier time. Truth be told, I don’t have much of a recollection of the show beyond the theme song and it serving as a distraction from the boredom of my grand folk’s house. Scanning through the first season I came across episode sixteen entitled “Snowed In.” This seemed like an obvious choice to watch. I can only imagine the hilarity that ensues when the whole cast is locked in a house together. So let’s fall in line, because Charles is in charge.

                                                              What happened, Chachi?
0:05- Yeah! “New boy in the neighborhood. Lives downstairs and it’s understood. He’s there to take good care of me, like he’s one of the family… I WANT CHARLES IN CHARGE OF ME!!” In retrospect, this theme makes Charles sound like a controlling and abusive boyfriend. He’s in charge on your days and your nights? Give ‘em some space, Charles. Still catchy as hell, though.

1:37- I wonder in the mid 80’s if Willie Aames and Baio knew that some day they would have people laughing at their misfortune on VH1 reality shows?

2:03- I think Buddy wandered over to the Cosby Show set and stole on of the Coz’s sweaters.

2:25- Jesus, that is a lot of teen girls and Charles is a college freshman. There had to be some secret, booze fueled rendezvous.

2:48- Ug. I hate these girls already. High school girls are the worst. I probably never got over not getting laid in high school

3:30- Damn, Douglas. You’re dressed like an uber-hipster. I bet you’re about to run up stairs to listen to some vinyl and work on your blog--oh, um, never mind. I bet you’re pretty cool. Follow me on twitter, man.

3:53- Never mind, Douglas is just an old school nerd, like, before it was all cool and shit.

4:13- God damn, look at that remote. That thing could be a weapon in Clue, “It was Buddy in the living room with the clicker!”

4:20- It’s SNOWMAGEDON! In 1985! Take that Al Gore.

4:42- This kid’s teacher is using astrology to teach about the planets? Does she use fortune cookies to teach philosophy? What kind of granola munching school does this kid go to?

5:42- Whoa, Kathy Ireland. I unsuccessfully attempted to masturbate to her SI swimsuit cover when I was nine. Kathy is such an odd name for a model. Not Kathryn or Kate or even Kat just Kathy. No way that would happen today with the Giselles and Naomis.

7:18- I have never seen a movie theater employee take their job this seriously. Normally, it’s just half stoned slackers and the fat guy in his 30’s that still live at home.

8:29- Dark secret?! What could it be? You were adopted? Embezzlement? Weird sex photos?! Is it sex photos?! Please let it be the photos.

8:57- Ahhh man. The parents were saving money for the two older kids but not the youngest. What a let down of a dark secret.

11:28- Snowed in with no heat! This is starting to play out like a Sartre short story.

14:04- The youngest kid has the passive aggression of an old Jewish mother.

15:10- That’s all?! Listen little lady, over the past few years I would have killed to have ONLY tuna casserole and cold cuts in the fridge. Hell, right now all I have in the fridge is one can of PBR and mostly expired condiments. And you know what? I bet I can come up with a soup out of that. Damn spoiled high school girls, they’re the worst!

16:02- Damn, Charles. You could have at least fried the bologna. Throw a little mustard on there and you have a tasty treat. I thought you were in college, man. These people have no idea how to live poor.

18:28- If Chase had it their way you would have that credit card, little Douglas.

19:02- One snowstorm and these girls are acting like petty hobos. The worst, I say, the worst!

19:53- …And that’s how every game of Monopoly ends.

20:18- Man, this is getting real existential.

21:30- Note to all aspiring writers, if you are a few pages short just have the characters act out a scene from something else.

22:31- Chachi, you’re my hero.

23:48- Wait a second, while these girls were freaking out they were going to die they could have just looked out the window and see the roads had been cleared? THE WORST! “…I want Charles in charge of me!”