Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas

I was recently waxing nostalgic about Saturday morning cartoons. As a kid, I would wake up before the sun came up like a tiny coal miner to settle in for a four hour onslaught of shows who’s main goal was to get me to buy cereal. People of my generation all have their favorites: Captain Planet, Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, Rainbow Brite, etc. I watched them all. The one that stands out that I always liked the best is Inspector Gadget probably because my aunt Bridgie used to have me watch old Get Smart episodes. Either way, he just was funnier than the rest. I was going across old episodes today when I found a gem for the holiday season, Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas. Being a fan of the show I can imagine that Gadget doesn’t really save Christmas. I’m sure Penny and Brain spend the whole episode propping Gadget up then at the end he takes all the credit. Damn, Inspector Gadget was a real prick.

0:16- Santa’s work shop doesn’t look very environmentally friendly. Is that the north pole or industrial China? I think I know why the ice caps are melting.

0:48- Santa wakes the elves by making their beds spring vertical and sings them a song. Santa is quite the benevolent dictator.

1:04- “Making toys for Santa is never work it’s play.” This is beginning to feel like a communist propaganda film.

1:45- Jesus, I forgot how much Dr. Claw sounds like a serial rapist.

1:59- Whoa, mind control. Whoever wrote this was really into their political science coarse.

2:10- That claw picked up Santa on its first try! Dr. Claw would clean up at a Wal-mart entrance.

2:14- “What’s going on?” What’s going on Santa is that the proletariat is rising up. Who knew Dr. Claw was a Marxist?

                                                          "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Revolution!"
2:26- With a voice like that Dr. Claw shouldn’t say things like, “Watch the children of the world get my special toys.”

2:40- Oh man. Dr. Claw wasn’t liberating the elves he is just using them for his personal gain. The dream of a classless society is just that, a dream.

4:04- Dammit! They didn’t use the regular theme song for the Christmas episode! Quick break to you tube it and get my fix… and we’re back.

4:32- Has anyone checked Gadget’s I.Q.? He is pulling some real downsy shit with this visit to the mall Santa.

4:47- Gadget had a cell phone in the mid-80’s? I assume he has a DeLorean and a hidden coke problem too. “Go Go Gadget Nostrils!”

5:00- The chief revealed he isn’t the real Santa. Did the writers remember this was a show for kids? How many Christmases did this episode ruin? I thought it was bad when my cousin Shea found out Santa wasn’t real on Christmas and told everyone.

5:46- Nice black-face, Chief.

6:11- Holy shit! Gadget’s cop car really is a DeLorean! Man, I’m good. Any second now Gadget should get Penny into “modeling” and then head to a night club.

7:29- I’m sure spending Christmas at Santa’s village really is a dream come true for young Penny. I bet the holidays are hard on an orphan.

9:00- Gadget shouldn’t leave Penny unattended for too long in the factory or Dr. Claw will put her to work. Tiny hands really do make a great pair of Nikes.

                                    I wonder what their favorite Saturday morning cartoons were?
9:58- Got him with the claw on the first try again! Dr. Claw you don’t need to take over this factory you can get all your holiday shopping done with just a few quarters.

11:31- Lax labor standards, defective toys, a RICKSHAW! This isn’t the North Pole it really is industrial China.

12:45- Arresting the victimized real Santa under false pretenses, Gadget really is a cop. I’m just waiting for him to say, “Go Go Evidence Destroyer” and then beat the shit out of Santa.

13:10- My money is on Santa using the gadget phone to call his lawyer.

14:03- Poor Penny, another ruined Christmas spent alone in a dark confined space.

14:53- Brain just blew Lassie out of the water.

15:25- All this because Santa didn’t get you the toy you wanted? Have a little perspective, Dr. Claw. I better your daddy never hugged you growing up either.

16:17- Damn, Gadget. Ever heard of Habeas Corpus?

18:09- Dingle Bells? Gross.

18:56- Brain makes Scooby Doo sound like Teddy Roosevelt.

20:42- You really want to ruin Christmas, Dr. Claw? Why don’t you just show up late and drunk or try to kill yourself? It's so obvious.

21:42- This is the worst Christmas you’ve ever had?! I’ll share some stories with you that will make your failed plot look pretty manageable.

22:42- It’s a Christmas miracle! The real miracle would be finding Penny a suitable guardian.